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. out of step with mypeers, especially the boys. But what was going on became a littleclearer a few months ago when my class did a bit on sex ed, mostlyfocused on puberty.I realized that any day I could get hit by testosterone, and startbecoming a man. And I also realized I didnt want that to happen.That given my choice, I'd rather become a girl, and then a woman.But I was too scared to do anything about it. Not that my mom would besome kind of monster, I'm sure she would come around to the idea, butI've looked up the stats. For every girl like Jazz Jennings, there aredozens, maybe hundreds who arent as lucky.It can get pretty bad out there for trans folks. And even though Canadais better than some places in the world, doesnt mean there is no riskof really bad stuff happening to me.So there I was, between a rock and a hard place, too scared to try andbe a girl, too scared to even say that's what I wanted, yet knowing ifI didnt do something, and soon, I'd look less and less like a girl. “Yep.” I said, smiling.“With a boner.” She hushed her voice with the last word, obviously concerned someone else might hear such a torrid word.“I get these all the time” I laughed. “I know you’ve seen me get them in my chair.”“Well ya, you’re a teenage boy, of course you’re gonna get them, your dad used to, he’d try to hide it, which only made it more obvious!” we both laughed.“Well ya, I get them, but I can’t control it, I honestly had no idea I had one when you came in.”“So you weren’t masturbating?” again lowering her voice for the last word.“Of course not ... I can’t.” I felt myself blush, ashamed.“What do you mean you can’t?” She gestured towards the erection before me, almost implying that all I had to do was reach out and grab it.“Well I CAN, but it doesn’t do anything.”“Really? ... So if you jerked off you wouldn’t cum?” I shook my head. “What about if a woman did it for you? Or if you had sex?”“Well I’ve never had a woman try” I said in a sort of sarcastic tone, “but the.
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